Mindfulness Techniques for Older Adults Managing Holiday Stress
When people are younger, the holidays are a much anticipated, magical, beautiful time. However, as we get a little older, the stresses and strains of this season can begin to wear on you, stripping all the joy out of what should be a wonderful time of the year. Planning family dinners, managing the expectations of older adults as well as your own adult children or grandchildren, and shopping for all the things can feel like a delicate balancing act.
Tips for Managing Holiday Stress
If you are viewing the upcoming holidays with a sense of dread and stress rather than anticipation and excitement, here are a few tips to restore the joy of the season by mindfully contemplating what is really important about the holidays.
Plan Ahead
One of the most important things to do to lessen your stress this Christmas is to plan ahead, intentionally selecting what means the most to you. Decide what events you are going to participate in and stick to that decision. Yes, Aunt Marge might get a bit miffed that you are skipping the annual holiday brunch or your adult daughter may have to take over hosting the family cookie baking day, but you can only do so much in one month. This may require some negotiation with your significant other, but once you've had the hard conversations, you won't have to spend a whole month with uncertainty, arguments, and resentment over holiday plans.
Choose the number of events that you can manage to participate in given your energy level, work commitments, and family obligations, and prioritize the ones that mean the most to you. This might be different from other years, but some years are harder than others. Your work stresses, health issues, or even things like losing a loved one in the past year can affect what you have the bandwidth to manage.
After you've decided what events you can and can't do, communicate these plans to the parties involved as early as possible, so they can mentally adjust to reality. Remember, clarity is kindness, so be completely clear with everyone while tempering your statements with loving affirmations. "We'd love to attend, and we'll miss you all, but this year it just isn't possible."
Don't expect everyone to be happy about your decisions, but you are entitled to enjoy the holiday season as well. Choosing to intentionally plan what holiday things are most meaningful to you and your family means that you will proceed through the holidays with purpose, rather than flitting from one thing to the next in a whirl of exhaustion.
Just Say "No." Even to Positive, Helpful Things
The holidays provide so many opportunities to celebrate and give back to the community, but you do not have to participate in all of them. You are allowed to decline certain opportunities if you are stretched too thin.
Can you provide two dozen cookies for a charity auction?
Can you make your famous scones for the church potluck?
Can you sew your granddaughter a costume for the Christmas play?
On their own, these parts of the holiday season don't seem too bad. But when you have multiple potlucks, charity events, and gift funds, you can feel overwhelmed with all the obligations, even if they are positive, wholesome events. It is okay to say no to any of these things for any reason at all.
If you have always struggled to say no to people, many folks probably come to you first when they're organizing things. However, by saying no, you can allow other people to learn to step up and experience the joy of giving back to the community. You'll also allow the organizer to cast a wider net and grow their network of contacts who can help with their events. A kind "No, thank you" means that you will have more energy and enthusiasm to participate in the community events that you are most passionate about, rather than dragging through them.
Set a Holiday Budget
Budgets seem antithetical to the "Holly Jolly Christmas" spirit, but in reality, setting a budget can free you up to celebrate in more meaningful ways. And, for those over the age of 50, managing your money well is even more important as the years to retirement draw near.
While we would all love to forget budgets and lavish our loved ones with all manner of pricey goods, we must all face the reality that money is a finite quantity. Make a list of all the people that you want to shop for and set a reasonable amount of money for each one. If that still seems like an enormous amount of money, you may want to trim the gift list.
While it is nice to buy gifts for co-workers, casual acquaintances, and service workers, it certainly isn't required. If you feel bad not buying gifts, take a moment to hand write a heartfelt thank you with specifics as to what you appreciate about that person. A meaningful thank you may mean more to that person than a random gift card or box of chocolates.
You may also want to stop gift exchanges with certain family members or friends. After all, how many coffee cups or pretty scarves do we all need? Be sure to say something well in advance to these people if gift exchanges have been a part of your history. Chances are, they will be relieved to not have to buy stuff or have more items cluttering their homes.
When you shop for others, just set a dollar amount that you can spend and then stop shopping when you reach that number. Remember that most people, even children, would rather have one or two gifts that they adore than a whole stack of ho-hum gifts they could take or leave. Thoughtful gift giving is always more appreciated than the quantity of packages under the tree or the amount of money spent on items.
Take Breaks for Self Care
As fun as the holidays are, all of that celebrating can wear you out. Don't forget to take breaks to take care of yourself. Be sure to include time for exercise, quality sleep, and self-care.
In fact, you can make these things a part of your celebration. Rather than collapsing on the sofa following a big meal, invite your family members for a short walk outdoors. Fresh air will help you feel more energetic and enthusiastic about the holidays.
For Christmas, give yourself the gift of feeling good by taking care of yourself. This can include eating well, going to the gym, and relaxing in a way that feeds your own soul. Practice self-control when it comes to the delightful goodies that are offered, so you won't feel sluggish and gross from overindulgence. Even if you can't get in a full workout, take a couple of short walks and lift some weights each day to keep your body free of pain. Remember that you will cope better with the demands of the season if you have some time to yourself to care for your body and soul. Be sure to plan for these things in your schedule, rather than just hoping that they will happen. Self care is just as important as a holiday dinner.
Plan Ahead for Dealing with Stressful Family Members and Situations
Everyone has at least one or two people in their lives who are frustrating around the holidays. Whether they insist on debating politics or religion, or they're just self-centered and rude, these people can really ruin the Christmas spirit. Create a mindful plan for dealing with these kinds of people before you encounter them.
Try Meditation
Guided meditations are a great way of dealing with these irritating people and situations. There are many available for free on our Mighty YouTube channel, and some of them are tailored for situations and emotions that might be a struggle, particularly around the holidays. You can find meditations for forgiveness or relaxation. If you need help with anxiety, this guided meditation will direct you through scanning your body for hidden sources of tension and can help you let go of things that are troubling you.
Along the same lines, you can use awareness to gain focus and clarity on what is really important. Practicing awareness helps you step outside your emotions and remind yourself that you are okay and that frustrating person is not in control of how you feel.
Remember that meditation and awareness are practices, and you will gain skill in these areas the more that you do them. If it's a struggle the first few times, know that you will get better at refocusing your attention on your mind and body the more you use these skills.
Practice Gratitude
Gratitude has a way of redirecting our attention away from irritation and annoyances that pop up this time of year and back to more positive places. If we are not mindful of it, our minds can focus more on all the stress instead of the good things that we have in our lives. This is where a gratitude journal can be very useful. When you start to feel overwhelmed, discouraged, and irritated by certain situations that occur during the holidays, open your journal and read through your list of blessings. You may want to add to the list on a daily basis to help yourself stay focused on the positive. If you write down three things that you are grateful for each day, at the end of the year you will have a list of over one thousand blessings that are in your life.
Even if you are not in a location where you can write in your journal, you can still sit for a few moments and focus on what you are grateful for. This mindfulness exercise helps you enter into the attitude of gratitude wherever you may be.
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