BACKHaven't posted in a while. Still not completely engaged in the program. Change is hard. Part of me wants to stay stuck. Going to a 12 Step program again. I was abstinent in that program for 4 years. Peaceful, focused, positive at that time. Then something really horrible happened. While at work as a visiting nurse I was caught in a home invasion while I was in a patient's home. I was pistol whipped to my head and knocked unconscious. When I came to I had the barrel of a gun shoved in my scalp. The assailants where in the house looking for drugs and money for what felt was a long time. After I healed physically from the invasion it took 3 years to heal from the mental, emotional and psychological trauma during which I was feeling suicidal. I don't know when it happened but at some point part of me gave up. I started gambling compulsively, broke my abstinence, hid in my room where I felt safe and was very unavailable to my husband and my teenage son. Sixty pounds heavier and tens of thousands of dollars lighter I started going to Gamblers Anonymous. I have 11 months clean from gambling. The food. The food is so hard. It is my first addiction. I will take a breath and know that I will be ok. This not going to happen in my time frame. Don't get me wrong I am extremely grateful for my family and my life. Just pretty stuck right now. God please grant me the grace to be willing to do this work.
Kate L
73w
Haven't posted in a while. Still not completely engaged in the program. Change is hard. Part of me wants to stay stuck. Going to a 12 Step program again. I was abstinent in that program for 4 years. Peaceful, focused, positive at that time. Then something really horrible happened. While at work as a visiting nurse I was caught in a home invasion while I was in a patient's home. I was pistol whipped to my head and knocked unconscious. When I came to I had the barrel of a gun shoved in my scalp. The assailants where in the house looking for drugs and money for what felt was a long time. After I healed physically from the invasion it took 3 years to heal from the mental, emotional and psychological trauma during which I was feeling suicidal. I don't know when it happened but at some point part of me gave up. I started gambling compulsively, broke my abstinence, hid in my room where I felt safe and was very unavailable to my husband and my teenage son. Sixty pounds heavier and tens of thousands of dollars lighter I started going to Gamblers Anonymous. I have 11 months clean from gambling. The food. The food is so hard. It is my first addiction. I will take a breath and know that I will be ok. This not going to happen in my time frame. Don't get me wrong I am extremely grateful for my family and my life. Just pretty stuck right now. God please grant me the grace to be willing to do this work.
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You sound very resilient. wishing you the grace you are seeking
73w
Wow Kate! Thank you so much for being vulnerable and speaking your truth. 💕 Just know that we are here for you, we support you, and we are cheering you on your journey ❤️. The most important part about your story is you did not give up! Along your journey you are going to experiences some ups and downs. During the down times, remember your big why, turn to your health care team, and surround yourself with your support circle. During the up times continue to find out which healthy habits fuel you and that work for you! 💪🙌
73w