Tips for Adult Children Caring for Aging Parents

A survey conducted by Pew Research Center found that of the over 40 million unpaid caregivers in this country, nine out of ten are taking care of an aging relative, often a parent. Sometimes home care is the first step in a long-term plan. For many adult children, the need to care for parents can start when they themselves are approaching their golden years.

No matter when your time comes to step to the plate for a parent who needs you, it is not an easy task, but being a family caregiver might be one of the highest callings you’ll ever face in life. The key to surviving this challenging time is to be practical. Consider some tips on caring for your aging parent(s).

Tips for Coping with an Aging Parent

The best tip we can offer is to start early and plan ahead. That begins with keeping a close eye out for them even before they need full-time care. In the early days, your job is just to watch out for your parents needs to ensure they have everything they need to enjoy their independence as long as possible.

Watch for Changes in Memory

Family is often the first to spot the early signs of dementia, such as memory changes, repeating stories, and forgetting things just heard, such as people’s names or dates.

Go with them to the doctor for an evaluation to see if medication might help keep them living on their own longer.

Changes in Appearance

There may be significant changes in hygiene like dirty nails, for instance, or hair. Often an elderly parent’s clothes will be dirty, or they may be wearing the same outfit day after day.

If you do notice changes, make sure they have what they need to stay clean. For example, do they have access to shampoo or other supplies? Also, consider putting grab rails in the tub or shower and by the toilet to make bathing easier. They may not realize they need these things or be too embarrassed to ask.

If you notice they have dirty clothes, can they reach the washing machine? If they have one in their home, is it working correctly? If they use a community laundry, do they know where it is, and can they get there? For example, if it’s in the basement, they may have problems with the stairs.

You might consider doing their laundry yourself, too. You can pick the clothes up, wash them, and then put them away. That way, your parent always has access to clean clothing.

Changes in the Home

Finally, how they keep house can indicate how much help they need. The bathroom and kitchen may become dirty. The living room and bedrooms may be cluttered. Offer to help around the house or to have someone come in and clean.

Medication Management

The adult children of aging parents should carefully check their medications to ensure they are not expired and that they are taking them correctly. Getting something to help them manage the drugs, such as a day dispenser, can help you keep track, as well. You refill it yourself once a week, so you know if they are getting the right meds.

Do the Paperwork

This is a good time to get the legal stuff out of the way, too. Ensure your parent has a will, as a living will complete with end of life information and that you or someone else has power of attorney.

Finding Help

One of the pluses that comes with early planning is figuring out where to go to get help. A good place to start is with your state’s health and human services department. Many have a questionnaire you can fill out that will help pinpoint potential benefits and resources. For example, did you know that even if your parent gets Medicare, they may still qualify for Medicaid? That would provide financial assistance for medication, home care services, health issues and even memory care.

The federal government has a similar website that can walk you through potential benefits. Just answer the questions on the benefits finder to see what might be available such as local Meals-on-Wheels.

Now is a good time to enlist help from other members of the family, too. See who might be available to provide transportation to the grocery store or for doctor’s visits. While your parent still lives alone, you might consider rotating visits and bringing meals there.

Stocking Up on Meals

One way to ensure your parent is eating right is to provide ready-made meals. Nutrition tends to be one place seniors fail when it comes to healthy aging. It is a simple fix, though. Adult children can provide easy meals for the microwave or delivered to the door for an aging parent.

You can also do meal preparation and stock the kitchen with healthy foods. You can provide everything from high fiber cereal portioned into bowls to meals they can heat up in the microwave.

Staying Active

Being active is how an aging parent stays young, and you can help. Silver Sneakers is a program designed with the older body in mind and is sometimes covered by insurance providers. With the Silver Sneakers gyms program, your parent can go to a local gym and participate in senior fitness.

Mighty Health, a health app for seniors, brings all those same benefits like balance exercises to where your parent lives. With Mighty Healthy, you have access to nutritional information and an online health coach. It gives you all you need to plan healthy eating for seniors and helps your parent stay active at the same time.

Taking Care of Yourself

It is easy to get so caught up in caring for an aging parent that you forget about taking care of yourself. Self care is critical because if you are not strong and healthy, you can’t be there for mom or dad.

This becomes even harder to do if your parent lives with you. Respite care is a service that steps in so you can take a break, or that takes over some of the chores to ease your burden. You can turn to a local home care agency for respite care or ask family members to step up and help with long term care. 

Be Realistic

Part of taking care of yourself is being realistic about how much caretaking you can do for an aging parent. Consider the financial consequences if you should leave your job to be a full-time caregiver. There are government programs that will pay you for doing some tasks, and you may claim tax credits.

Take into account the physical and emotional toll it might have on you, too. Talk to your parent’s doctor about what they need. Look for online caregiver support groups to get an idea of what you can expect, as well.

Try to come to terms when taking charge of a parent. What happens when you come face to face with things they don’t want to do, like bathe or not smoke? What if they don't want to stick to your schedule or care plan? Will you be able to assert yourself in those situations?

How reliable is the rest of your family? Can you expect them to step in and help when you need a break? If not, do you have access to respite services, or can you afford to pay for them? It is essential not to take yourself or let others take you for granted. Sit down with the family and be very specific about what tasks you need them to do for you or ask them to pitch in for respite care. There may be charitable organizations in your community willing to pay for respite care, too.

Finally, think about what is best for your parent because, sometimes, living with you isn’t the answer. You might feel a sense of responsibility to be a caregiver but ask yourself what the benefit is for them if you take that role. Will you be able to help keep your parent active with a program like SilverSneakers or Mighty Health?

How about socialization? Will your parent be isolated living with you? Perhaps, there is a local senior center that they can go to and interact with others and get senior care. If your parent has dementia, though, it might be better to consider a memory care center or an adult daycare program.

Raising children is hard, but, in some ways, caring for an aging parent might be even more challenging. The early you start making plans, the better.